In which I journey to Brighton, cause public disturbance, and learn that Pride indeed goeth before a Fall (literally)
In which I journey to Brighton, cause public disturbance, and learn that Pride indeed goeth before a Fall (literally)
I beg young people to travel. If you don’t have a passport, get one. Take a summer, get a backpack and go to Delhi, go to Saigon, go to Bangkok, go to Kenya. Have your mind blown. Eat interesting food. Dig some interesting people. Have an adventure. Be careful. Come back and you’re going to see your country differently, you’re going to see your president differently, no matter who it is. Music, culture, food, water. Your showers will become shorter. You’re going to get a sense of what globalization looks like. It’s not what Tom Friedman writes about; I’m sorry. You’re going to see that global climate change is very real. And that for some people, their day consists of walking 12 miles for four buckets of water. And so there are lessons that you can’t get out of a book that are waiting for you at the other end of that flight. A lot of people—Americans and Europeans—come back and go, ohhhhh. And the light bulb goes on.
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Henry Rollins (via ultrapearl) (Source: runouttheguns) |
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials*
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
*Not really real for real, but very funny.
Eustace gets about a bit, singing as he goes.
He thinks he’s the ‘Everywhere Man’
but after the main verse he just makes up his own lyrics!
“I’ve been everywhere, man
I’ve been everywhere, man
Crossed the deserts bare, man
I’ve breathed the mountain air, man
Travel - I’ve had my share, man
I’ve been everywhere”*
*******************
I’ve been everywhere man,
I’ve been everywhere man,
I’ve been to…. Captain’s Flat, Ballarat,
Cabramatta, Coolangatta,
Wangaratta and Paramatta,
I’ve been everywhere!
I’ve been everywhere man,
I’ve been everywhere man,
I’ve Binalong to Gerringong,
Woodenbong, Ettalong,
Indoorapilly, Yerongpilly and Wollondilly,
I’ve been everywhere!
I’ve been everywhere man,
I’ve been everywhere man,
I’ve …Binnaway to Bateman’s Bay,
Milperra, Unanderra,
Canberra, Mullambimby
and then on to Goondiwindi,
I’ve been everywhere!
I’ve been everywhere man,
I’ve been everywhere man,
I’ve hitched along to Dandenong,
Woollongong, Booroondarra, Yarra-Yarra,
Wallangarra,Gerringong,
Adelong, Bendalong,
Doctor’s Rocks and Burpengarry,
I’ve been everyewhere!
I’ve been everywhere man,
I’ve been everywhere man,
in my awesome Kombi-van,
and…….man…
I’m….
…..bushed!!!
*lyrics to I’ve Been Everywhere quoted at the head of this post by Johnny Cash
(the rest of it was me and the Egg)
